Hooray smoking!
You know how when some people quit smoking cigarettes, they quit cold turkey?
Then, when others quit, they do it by waning themselves off through the patch and that nicotine gum?
Well, I’ve never smoked in my life.
However, since I’m approaching 30, I think it’s high time I start!
Most people start smoking by just smoking. Essentially, they start their smoking habit cold turkey. However, for myself — being older than most who pick up their first cigarette – I might need a bit of assistance.
And these Nico-stoppers might very well be the answer to easing my transition into life as a smoker!
Okay, so here’s the plan:
I start light with some of the gum for a couple weeks to introduce low doses of nicotine into my system here or there and build up some cravings. Then, I work my way up to the patch, so I’m getting a continuous stream of nicotine in my system and I’m really getting addicted. And, finally, after a couple weeks of that, I go to the gas station, grab me a pack of smokes, and — BAM! — nearly choke myself to death on my first “cig!”
(A cig is what all the cool kids refer to a cigarette as. Duh!)
That first one might be a bit of an obstacle for my lungs but, hey, at least I’ll already be addicted to the nicotine!
Next thing you know, my lungs will be continuously blackening, I’ll be investing tons of money in this new hobby, and I’ll be allowed more and more extra breaks at work that the non-smokers don’t get to go huddle outside in the cold with all the other Nico-crazed addicts!
I can’t wait!
However, if for some reason I don’t like smoking — or I decide I’d really like to resume the exercise regimen I gave up to start smoking — I can just quit. Just throw away the cigs, go back to the patch, work back to the gum, and — BOOM! — be done with smoking.
Then all of a sudden, everyone’s giving me all sorts of praise for having quit smoking that I never got before I started for not having started in the first place!
Hooray smoking!
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