Life needs to be more like baseball, pro wrestling, and/or TV dating shows

You know what I need?

Some motherlovin’ theme music.

I don’t mean none of that “Oh, I love this song! It explains my life’s plight and resonates within my soul!” nonsense.

I’m talkin’ some music that just kicks in when you enter a room, like when pro wrestlers, boxers, and ultimate fighters approach the ring, or when a baseball player approaches the plate for an at-bat.

Like, for instance, somewhere around 8:05 a.m. at my office each day right before the stairwell door opens up and I step out of it, LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out” just kicks in all throughout the office.

“Slam” by Onyx.

Ice Cube’s “Check Yo Self.”

Or any of a handful of DMX songs, preferably one where he’s barking and yelling.

You know… something to get you amped up and simultaneously let everyone know you’ve arrived.

Even before I took a step inside, everyone at the office woulda already done recognized.

And then the stairwell door would open up, and I’d come runnin’ out all swingin’ my arms and being like, “Let’s crunch these numbers, son! Let’s type on some keyboards and send some emails!”

Or, if I was in a more laid back mood, it’d be somethin’ like “Dre Day” or “Nuthin’ But A ‘G’ Thang” by Dre and Snoop.

Then everyone in the office would place their hands in the air and start waving them slowly as they started swaying slowly, and the door would open. I’d be all, like, standing there with my hands up and my head down. I’d start nodding and bobbing my head and I’d make a nice slow walk to my cubicle pointing at people in the copy room all along the way.

It wouldn’t even have to be just for work. It could be for when you come home from work, or when you go to show up for your kids’ parent-teacher conferences, or when you go to a Tupperware party, and, y’know, things like that.

This needs to happen.

However, I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be long before I’d be entering situations to songs that made no sense, like something by Manheim Steamroller, the Beach Boys’ “Kokomo,” or “Party All The Time” by Eddie Murphy and Rick James.

~ by joshlos on October 7, 2009.